Σάββατο, 7 Ιουνίου 2014

Feelings Hurt

Have you ever had your heart ripped out? Not literally of course, it just feels like it. At first you panic completely. Your breath catches in your throat and you hyperventilate. You cry till your eyes are burning and blood shot. You shake like a fucking jackhammer for hours. You can’t even speak because you know it’ll come out as weird dying whale noises and you’ll break down again. 
You stay up till 6am or don’t sleep at all. 



You feel like your chest is going to break open. And then there’s the part where you’re just completely silent and in shock. You’ll stare at a blank wall for hours and you block people out and push them away even more. You feel like that person ripped your heart out and stomped on it and drove over it with a cement rolled and threw it in a paper shredder. I think it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. They say you can die from a broken heart, and I think that’s true. Maybe not instantly, but the hurt consumes you and kills you slowly from the inside out.

People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.

Until you surrender the need to know why things happened to you as they did, you will hold on to your wounds with intense emotional fire. Your mind will want to heal, but your pride, anger and emotions will remain caught up in wanting to make sure that the people who hurt you fell bad about what they’ve done. Or you may want to hurt them back. But rest assured, your emotional self will remain attached to the unfinished business rooted in feelings of abandonment and humiliation, of having lost something or been cheated. 

Your mind may do what’s required for healing and go through all the prescribed steps, but your heart will never fully participate in the healing process. In the end, forgiveness is an act of release, surrendering the need for an explanation. From that prospective, forgiveness has nothing to do with the individuals who harmed you. It is the act of accepting that there is a greater map of life, through which flow many rivers of events and relationships, all interconnected. 

Forgiveness is your release form the hell of wanting to know what cannot be known and from wanting to see others suffer because they have hurt you...

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